The Robin Application
by ThreeBlackCats
Summary: Someone has posted an online application to apply for the job of being Robin. Batman doesn't think it's funny.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Batman or any associated characters and comics**

"Father, I demand an explanation!"

Bruce Wayne looked up from the financial reports he was reviewing to see his youngest son standing in the doorway to his office holding his phone up. There was enough of a distance between the desk and the door that Bruce couldn't see what was on the screen clearly.

"I'm sorry?"

Damian huffed. "I am more than capable of continuing my duties on patrol, and I am certainly better at it than certain others when they held the same title. You have already taken in far too many other people to be my 'siblings' and I don't need anymore. If you have been unsatisfied with my behavior you could have just informed me as you have done in the past. There was certainly no need to do _this._ " As he was speaking he crossed the office until he was standing in front of Bruce's desk. Damian shoved his phone into Bruce's hands and letting him read what was on it.

It was an online job application. Bruce skimmed the headline and the listed requirements, his eyebrows raising in surprise before he face fell into a scowl. "I did not have anything to do with this. Where did you find it?"

"Brown sent the link to everybody. I don't know where she got it."

"I see." Bruce grabbed a notepad and wrote down the URL of the website the application was posted on before giving Damian his phone back. "I'll look into it. It will be taken down."

"It better be."

* * *

 **Bats & Birds Group Chat**

 **Batgirl:** Hey guys, check this out _sfkd%_

 **Red Robin:** Seriously?

 **Robin:** This is an outrage! I can't believe father would replace me like this!

 **Robin:** I'm going to speak with him about this at once!

 **Red Robin:** You do realize it's not real right?

 **Red Robin:** It's probably someone's idea of a joke

 **Nightwing:** I wonder if anyone actually applied to it

 **Batman:** Doesn't matter it will be going down soon.

 **Batgirl:** Hold on I didn't add you to this group

 **Batgirl:** Who added him?

 **Batman:** I did not need to added. I have my ways.

 **Batgirl:** Alfred added you didn't he?

 **Nightwing:** Wait Alfred's part of this group too?

 **Red Robin:** You didn't know that?

 **Batgirl:** Yep! Since the start J

 **Batman:** The reasons why Alfred was in this chat group and I wasn't will be discussed later.

 **Batman:** How did you find this application?

 **Batgirl:** Links to it are circulating on most social sites. I found it on facebook

 **Batgirl:** Apparently it's one of the first things that comes up when you google Robin

 **Black Bat:** It's trending internationally as well

 **Batman:** It will be down soon

* * *

Bruce turned off his phone and put it in his pocket. If this thing had reached an international audience then it had spread farther than he it should have before coming to his attention. It had to be shut down soon.

Since speaking with Damian in his office Bruce had changed into his batsuit, printed out a copy of the application for continued examination, and travelled to Crime Alley. Ordinarily his first step would have been to ask Oracle for any information she had on the website and whoever was running it but she had taken a rare holiday to spend time with her father on his birthday.

He was currently in one of Red Hood's more frequently used safe houses, hoping to catch him to see what he knew about the application. While Jason's relationship with the rest of the family had improved he still played cruel jokes and picked fights every once and a while. The webpage didn't seem like his usual style but Bruce would be the first to admit he didn't know his son as well as he would like to. It could be important to question him.

The fact that this would be the first excuse to visit him for a month had nothing to do with it.

"What the hell are you doing here?" And it seemed that he was home. Since Bruce was standing directly in front of the door Jason had noticed him as soon as he came inside. He was still wearing his full Red Hood uniform, including the helmet, from his patrol. "I have told you many times that I don't want you or your flock of birds poking into my territory."

"I need to ask you some questions about something." Bruce handed Jason the copy of the application.

"'Application for the vigilante Robin. Please include all previous combat experience. Preference will be given to males with black hair.' Wow. So you aren't just recruiting off the street anymore?"

"I didn't write it. I'm trying to find out who did."

"And you think I wrote this? As humorous as it is I'd rather not have you not recruit another little brat. It's not mine." Jason handed the paper back to Bruce. "If that's all you can kindly go see yourself out."

Bruce briefly considered asking if Jason had any cases he could possibly need help with before deciding that wouldn't go over well at all. He gave one last nod and headed for the window.

* * *

"You realize there was basically no way Jason was the one behind this, right?" Tim was crouched over the keyboard of the batcomputer typing rapidly. "Besides, you could have tracked down whoever this is on your own. They aren't exactly trying to cover their tracks." He clicked on a few more things before sitting back. "There. The website was posted by a guy named Robert Ray who's a student at Gotham university. Lives on campus and originally from Metropolis."

"Thank you, Tim," Bruce said and patted him on the shoulder. This caused Tim to give him an odd look which Bruce did not acknowledge. He was allowed to be affectionate sometimes, right?

"Do you want me to go talk to him?"

"No, I'll do it."

"You seem awfully determined to get this taken down for what's probably a harmless prank. I know crime has been slow since you put the Joker back in Arkham but this still seems an odd case to fixate on."

Bruce didn't respond, he just turned and stalked out of the cave.

* * *

"Robert Ray. Wake up. We need to talk."

Robby groaned. Today was supposed to be his day to sleep in. Marcus knew he wasn't supposed to wake him up before 12 on the weekend…. but that voice wasn't Marcus. Suddenly Robby was more awake then any university student should be at eight am on a Saturday. He jolted up in bed, his face nearly slamming into the man standing over him.

It was Batman. Oh God, oh God, oh God.

"Are you completely awake?" Batman asked as though seeing someone who was quite possibly a bat demon standing over them did not wake a person up faster than caffeine.

"Yes. I- I'm not sure what you want with me."

"I want an explanation for this." Batman handed over a piece of paper. Robby hadn't noticed it before, being more preoccupied with the fact that Batman was in his dorm room. How had he even gotten in? He hesitantly took the offered sheet.

"Oh. This thing. Wait, you're here because of this?"

"Yes."

"Look, Batman. It was a joke. I made it two months ago as a joke and put it up because, well, why not? I was surprised to even get responses. It's nothing really. I wasn't trying to steal your identity or anything." Where was Marcus when you needed back up? Probably on the other side of the city doing his stupid two-mile morning run.

"It's not about identity theft. This is about Robin."

"Robin? What about him? I've got nothing against the current Robin, I swear! It's just…everyone knows how many Robins you've gone through so my buddies and I were talking one day, trying to figure how you keep getting kids. Henry said something about maybe there being an application or something and I thought it would be funny to make one." Robby really hoped that Batman wouldn't kill him over a harmless prank. "Is this about the males with black hair given preference thing? It wasn't supposed to be discriminatory, it's just, all the Robins seem to have those features. Not all of them! I know there was a blonde girl! Just…" Stop digging yourself into a deeper hole Robby!

Batman leaned forward forcing Robby to move backwards on his bed. "My Robins have sacrificed many things for this city, their safety, their health, and their chance for a normal life. In some cases, even their lives. I will not have you trivializing everything they have gone through by implying they can be easily replaced by qualifying for a job application. I am going to leave this room and as soon as I am gone you will. Take. The application. Down."

Robby nodded frantically. "Yes sir, Mr. Batman, sir. Right away. I'll do it."

Batman nodded. He turned around and left the room. A squeak could be heard further down the hall as another student was surprised by the sight of Batman in a Gotham university residence hall. Robby didn't pay it any mind since he was busy scrambling for his computer.

* * *

"While I appreciate you standing up for our honor, I really just found the application funny. I didn't think it was offensive or anything. Definitely not terrifying-visit-from-Batman-in-the-early-morning worthy," Dick said. He was sitting in the chair in front of the Bat-computer and appeared to have been waiting.

Bruce had come straight back to the Bat-cave after leaving Gotham University. He made an effort not to show surprise at his eldest son's presence. "You were listening in?"

"Babs tapped into the coms after getting back last night. We were curious as to what you would do. He's harmless."

Batman sighed. "Maybe. But I'd still feel better with it down. You don't become Robin by filling out an application." No, you didn't. You became Robin by suffering tragedy and pushing through it. It wasn't the same thing at all.

Bruce knew most of the Robins didn't mind it but the jokes about the revolving door of Robins tended to get under his skin after a while. He didn't want his children out there facing down the worse of humanity but he couldn't deny he relied on them. In an ideal world they would each be living happy lives with their own families. The jokes were not meant with ill intent but it still felt like people making light of his children's suffering. He hated it.

"Well, hopefully you didn't traumatize the poor guy too badly." Dick stood up and stretched. "It's morning now. You missed breakfast but I believe Alfred still has some pancakes. Want some?"

"Absolutely."


End file.
